I’m 42, and my husband and I have no kids. I’ve been working as a HR professional for about 18 years. I’ve been promoted to a senior position four years ago and I think I’m doing well. My customers are very happy with my team’s performance. My boss agrees and has promoted me three times in the last six years. I have no reason not to believe him.
Two years ago, and against my better judgment, I hired an HR specialist. Let’s call him Nic for this e-mail. Everything looked good on paper. The interview was just right. In retrospect, I know I was pressed to hire Nic because there weren’t too many available candidates and I was becoming desperate to find someone to fill that position. I was enthusiastic about Nic. Since then, Nic has been promoted to a senior position. He gets things done, there’s no doubt about that. He’s efficient and well respected by his customers.
My problem with Nic is simple: he lies, he invents issues to pit people against each other, he destroys other people’s work with so much ease, it’s sickening. He attacks me with complaints, most of them being that I refuse to cooperate with him. He criticizes our boss behind his back and attacks when someone dares to confront him. I’m sure that Nic is trying to do everything in his power to get me fired or discredited. My distrust for Nic has never been so difficult to live with. I simply can’t trust him. Ironically my boss wants me to work with him more closely and try to cooperate with him!
What’s seems incredible to me is that my boss doesn’t see anything, or doesn’t care if he is indeed aware of this person’s lack of integrity. This isn’t my first job, I like the work here, it’s the best I’ve had yet. The challenges, colleagues and working conditions are quite frankly unequaled, anywhere. The work is fascinating, my clients are great, the objectives are unique and the pay is great. I don’t want to leave this place!
I think I have tried everything except pretend that Nic is an honest person and that I trust him. I don’t know how to do that! A consultant I talked to said that I must also be doing something to provoke Nic’s inappropriate behavior, that it can’t all be Nic’s fault. I don’t believe any of that: as you said in your article, “A cautionary tale about integrity” on your site, sometimes we have to work with bad or damaged people, they do exist!
As I said, I read your article. I’m convinced I’m doing the right thing by not trusting him. He’s truly wicked. My boss expects me to try harder and get along. What should I do?
CDX
Dear CDX, My short answer is this: On the one hand your reactions to Nic are absolutely normal and healthy. You should be rightly cautious with dishonest people. On the other hand, (if you are right about Nic’s lack of integrity), then staying away from him (not cooperating with Nic) will only prove to everyone that you can’t handle trouble.
My long answer has three parts:
Part 1. Handling trouble is a valued asset to an employer.
If you can’t handle trouble, what’s your real value to the organization? What I mean to say is simple: learn to work with difficult, slow, shady and unscrupulous people, but on your own terms. Be aware of them, that’s a must. Be there, in their faces, everyday, that’s your job! If you can’t be of any help when things get rough, then you shouldn’t be there in the first place.
Part 2. Running away is an option.
You might be tempted to believe that there’s surely another place to work where you can find happiness and serenity without having to deal with people like Nic. If you truly believe that, then you will find a job free of Nics. There are many workplaces that have developed, over time, a good environment where Nics are not encouraged to stay. But even in those environments you will find, from time to time, a few Nics passing through creating all kinds of trouble.
Leaving your organization for another, hoping to find a better work environment, is not my favorite option, but it’s doable.
Part 3. Dealing with the Nics.
Dealing with Nic means to deal with him with your strengths, your expertise and your sense of decency. As I said in my article, your only real protection against dishonest people is to struggle, to be straightforward and to behave accordingly everyday. Straightforward folks, adults, managers, leaders and teachers confronted with untrustworthy and dishonest people should use their own strengths which should include intelligence, competency, professionalism, clarity, sincerity and courage. It also means to be able to resist the temptation to become a victim, unable to be in the same room with Nic! As far as I’m concerned, this clearly is not an option: adults deal with all kinds of people, sometimes they fail but most of the time if they dig in, they succeed. It’s not magic, it just hard work, confidence in yourself and courage.
A final thought:
One more thing: you are wrong when you say your boss isn’t aware of Nic’s bad behavior. From what I’ve seen, I can safely say that a great, great, great majority of senior managers are keenly aware of their direct reports’ bad behavior or lack of integrity! Senior managers have developed over the years a keen ability to see what’s around them. That’s how they survived and prospered all those years!
When I had the misfortune of supervising a few Nics some years ago, I found that everyone was urging me to do something about them. They couldn’t understand my reticence not to. It’s not my problem, I told them. I asked them to deal with their problems -themselves. Consciously or not, I didn’t want to fight another man’s or woman’s fight. In the end, I really needed my direct reports to succeed on their own. I believed, rightly, that I couldn’t be surrounded by people who were wholly dependant on me when times got difficult. My direct reports had to step up to the challenge and do the best they could. I never regretted it, nor did any of my direct reports.
AJH March 2008